Working with Spirits and Deities

Take a drink every time I say, “inconvenient.” I prefer coffee, but you can use whatever works for you.

In other news, I have links to my Etsy from my “Connect” page, as well as a contact form in case you’d like to come talk to me!

See you when I see you.

YouTube Pagan Challenge Week 08

Hello, friends!

Official Matron announcement: not who you might expect. Also, my current phrase of the day is now, “an abundance of Loki.” Also, also, look!! You can see the blond streaks in my hair in this video! 😀 Not dyed, actually natural.

YT Pagan Challenge

A Little Something for Frey

Hello, my friends!

I haven’t exactly kept up with my attempt at August for Frey, since it’s been rather a hectic month. Between opening art commissions and having job problems, I haven’t had a lot of time. But, Frey, being the understanding and kind guy he is, has helped me out through all of it, and I can’t really thank him—or anyone else for that matter— enough. He and my Bran have been there for me through thick, thin, and all the Weirdshit in between, so, it feels wrong to have just stopped the posts. Frey, however, doesn’t seem to mind, and asked me sometime last week if I would do a portrait of him, since the first one I did is rather outdated at this point. He said something like, “you can novel with the best of them, but you’d be better off leaving the devotional blogging to someone else, for now.” It was rather jokingly said, but he’s right. I’m still learning, and my truest talent has always been in Art.

So. In lieu of any further 30-days-of-Frey posts, I give you(and him)… Frey with Tiger Lilies:

Tiger Lillies

 

Berserk and Work

Hello my friends!

So, here’s the story about my superpower, and why I quit my job because of it. It’s a long story.

Within about the first year of my meeting Odin, by way of he and Frigga returning my phone to the cricket store (it was an elderly couple, I took it as a sign), and getting my internal radio working properly, he told me that I was a berserker. By told, I mean the word itself, the anime, Skyrim builds, all sorts of stuff kept coming up until eventually I was like, “okay, Allfather, I get the picture,” and started researching. That ended up being right around the middle of my freshman year of college, and roughly the same time I figured out that being transgender is a thing. I learned and read, and then at roughly winter solstice that year he started showing me what I was like in a previous lifetime: a man in viking age Scandinavia, who happened to be a berserker. I kept remembering details of that life, and wondering what the actual eff was going on, until Odin started training — or re-training as the case may be — me as one of his Wolves. Somehow, my boyfriend managed to stick with me through the absolute clusterfuffle that was my half-semester of sophomore year, where All The Wyrd came crashing down on my head and I had to step away from the whole college thing.

If you don’t know, a berserker is someone who, when driven too far over certain physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual limits, will go full-on, bug-fuck-nutty and all sorts of weirdshit starts happening. The berserk’s brain activates both sets of nerves at the same time, both the fight-flight-or-fuck response and the relaxed, trance-like, healing response. Normally, this shouldn’t and doesn’t happen, but because of whatever reason — I still don’t know why, it just happens — it does, and when it does, all of the body’s regenerative, sensing, and immune functions are boosted out to space by all the adrenaline in the system. I mean all the adrenaline. It seems to the berserk as though time has slowed slightly, everything gets clearer, smells get smellier, and the weirdshit sense gets weirder. Along with that, it’s as though the “human” part of the brain shuts off to some degree, which varies from person to person, and the “animal” part comes to the fore. It’s like being possessed by something, like becoming a werewolf, if you will. Or werebear. Or were-whatever, there are apparently a lot of variations.

Now, with the vast majority of people, the body just can’t handle the absolutely immense strain of having all of the wiring suddenly turned on and re-routed, and a lot of people who try to induce a berserk state without being able to take it end up injuring themselves, sometimes really badly. Berserkers usually have one of two body types in this case: tall, broad-shouldered, barrel-chested, basically more bear-like to support slightly larger lungs which keep the brain working when shtuff like this happens, and short, thin, wiry, and light types, which take the “smart car” approach, meaning that they don’t need as much “fuel” to get going and stay going. I am of the latter persuasion, and I can attest that I do have a disproportionately big rib cage, and wide shoulders for someone of my height, weight, and chromosome set. I almost always look emaciated, because they stick out. It’s not because I am, it’s just because that’s how I’m built. I’m a little wolf  which is freaky to me, because my last name, “Lowell” means little wolf. Whoever stuck me here, good job on that score!

Basically, I can do shtuff that other people can’t. I can do Serious Weirdshit and still be functional the next day. I can push myself physically for far longer and far harder than someone like me should be able too, which is useful when your job requires you to be on your feet for 5-ish hours at a stretch, and lift things that weigh half as much as you do(I said I was tiny. I am tiny). I haven’t ever gone full-on snarly mode at work — although I had a close call last week when I picked up something a little too heavy for me, carried it over to where it needed to be, and about blacked out after I put it down — mostly because I know where my limits are, and what I have to do in order to get just there, but not over the line. And I can stay in an almost-berserk state for about an hour if I need to, which I need to do a lot in order to keep up with the work load and not injure myself in the process.

The caveat to this “superpower” is that the crash afterward is horrendous. I’ve gone full-on warg because of Bran twice(plz don’t ask) and at least once, a few days ago, with him in close proximity. I’ve never hurt him, aside from a few scratch marks, but the point is I know what full-gone feels like, and he knows what it’s like for me after. It sucks. The fatigue is real, and usually the length and intensity of the crash is proportionate to the length and intensity of the incident. For instance, the other day it was 98-ish degrees out (F), middle of the day, and I was already more than a little frustrated because Bran was walking me back home in that redonculous heat, and we’d been on the road an hour when he pointed out that someone had removed the willow tree – my favorite tree in the city – from its spot next to the path to the park by my house. I was seething for a good five minutes, before finally flying into a sixty-second rage. Which is dangerous, when it’s that hot out, because I could have easily gotten heatstroke with all that energy. We ended up sitting on the shore of a nearby pond for a few minutes while I came back down, and by then most of my muscles had cramped up and I was sweating like I’d just run a marathon. The fatigue hit all at once, and I was sitting there practically laying on Bran while I waited for my strength to come back, but it did in short order, and we hiked the rest of the way back to the house.

So, short burst of Hulksmashery means that it’s followed by short burst of “kill me like one of your French girls.” Which means that long periods of being almost-there-but-not-quite, means that A) I don’t get any benefits of the heightened healing because I’m only running on adrenaline, not serotonin, and B) the crash lasts much longer. Those two things make for long hours at work, and long hours after work of not being able to do a whole lot more than sleep. Now, having to do that once or twice a week is one thing. That, I could do. Four or five has started to wear me down to the point where I’ve actually started to lose weight – which is a big Not Good when you’re already this much of a twig – and am in pain constantly. I get crashes even when I don’t/can’t go berserk lately. This afternoon I had the first migraine I’ve had in a very long time, which is basically the last straw for me. Tomorrow is my last day, and I am beyond thankful for that.

Tl,dr: Tiny squishy berserker is tiny and squishy.

Moral of the story: the next time Odin tells me to run the hell away from something, I will listen sooner.

August for Frey – Day 5

5. Members of the family – genealogical connections

So. I’ve not had very much interaction with most of Frey’s family, canon or otherwise, so this may be a little bit of a stumpy post.

Nerthus – Frey’s mother, Vanic earth goddess of bogs, purification, boundaries, and the arcane consequences of screwing with shtuff you don’t understand, particularly where nature and the natural order are concerned. She keeps her face veiled because to look upon it is death. I’ve never met her, and Frey doesn’t speak much of her, at least not to me.

Njord – Frey’s father, god of ships, sailing, fishing, and all sorts of other watery business! He’s more of a mediator than Aegir, who is basically all of the wild parts of the sea. He’s on good terms with pretty much any and all of the sea and river deities, being an excellent diplomat, and they tend to calm the waves for him when he sails. He was married to Skadi for a brief time, but they didn’t like where each other lived and ended up calling for a friendly divorce. I’ve only heard whispers from him, but he reminds me in some ways of my own father, who grew up in Maine and served in the coast guard for a while, and so also has links to the sea. He also writes about sailing ships in space, so, my father and Frey’s father have some things in common. I feel like I know him without having known him, you know?

Freyja – His twin sister, and sometimes wife. In my experience, she’s not his identical twin. In fact, she appears to me as brilliantly dark, Frey’s opposite, almost. She still shines with her own beauty, her eyes are like moonlight on clouds though her hair is dark, and she is terrifying. As a goddess of love, she is gentle and caring toward all things, helpful to those that need help, and kind. As a goddess of war she is driven, stoic, cold, and calculating, much like a large cat. As a Seidhkona — which was how and why she appeared to me — she is utterly dark, and utterly blinding at the same time. She knows many of the universe’s secrets, and knows the soul of the one whose eyes she looks in. And she is powerful beyond measure in her mastery and ownership of Her Self.

Sigyn – Well here’s a surprise. Njord fostered the orphaned Sigyn, which makes her Frey’s foster-sister. I’ve seen a couple of her facets, both the compassionate, even slightly innocent face and the face that I like to call, Sigyn of the Strong Arms. She seems to embody the phrase, “do no harm but take no shit.” I don’t know her story so much, but she’s a peach, and cares for Loki more than anything in the world. Even if he’s being an ungodly derp.

Gerda – The beautiful daughter of two jotunns, and Lady of the Garden. She grows herbs — both wild and domestic — where Frey grows crops. She comforts women who have had miscarriages and abortions, and doesn’t judge, having to keep herself barren to avoid having any offspring bound by the same contract that holds Frey hostage. She and Frey are even more opposite than Frey and Freyja. As gods of marriage, she and Frey bless those who are gainsaid by others, those who are ostracized because of who they love. I would call upon them both should I ever get married to my Bran, who is both my opposite and my morning star(he’s Luciferian, lulz). I’ve never met her personally, but Frey smiles whenever he talks about her, and glows a little brighter.

Hnoss and Gersemi – Freyja’s daughters, and Frey’s nieces. Not much is known about either of them.

 

August for Frey – Day 4

4. A favorite myth or myths of this deity

The most well-known of Frey’s tales is arguably when he falls in lust “love” with, and subsequently asks his servant to woo for him, Gerdr: Eddiac Version (Chapter XI.) | The Better Myths Version (“Freyr Cocks it All Up”)

August for Frey – Day 3

 

3. Symbols and icons of this deity

Hoo boy. Here we go. I’m not going to go too in-depth with these because if I do I’ll be here all day, and I’ve got jobs to do, but here’s some of his symbols. I apologize in advance for any bastardizations of words and names due to having an English keyboard and no clue.


Ingwaz

Ing among the East-Danes was first / beheld by men, until that later time when to the east / he made his departure over the waves,  followed by his chariot / that was the name those stern warriors gave the hero. – Anglo-Saxon Rune Poem

Named for Frey, or Ingvi, it is a rune of doorways, and power. It is the build-up and release of power, and the acceptance of necessary sacrifices and deaths. Frey, one who necessarily sacrifices himself every year to ensure fertility to the land, which ties him to this rune by more than name alone.


 

Jera

Good harvest is the profit of all men, / and a good summer, / and a ripened field. – Old Icelandic Rune Poem

I see Frey as a god of the harvest, among other things, and so the rune of the harvest is always in my mind associated with him. It’s an orderly rune, a rune that rewards hard work. The Wheel still turns and things must be done in order. Frey has that kind of “natural order” energy about him, and he is certain one to reward hard work of any sort, especially if done in his name, or having asked for his help.


 

The Self-Wielding Sword

Frey had a sword that would fight for its wielder on its own, if said wielder was wise enough to use it. I’ve always pictured it as a flaming sword, akin to Lugh’s spear, or Archangel Michael’s claymore (yes, he does have a flaming claymore). Swords are an air symbol, logic and communication, piercing words and sharp minds. Adding the fire to it makes it a symbol of the mind in action, thoughts producing effect. Enlightenment, if you will, and power beyond the physical. Frey gave this up for his wife Gerdr, which is almost a perfect metaphor for being mad with love.


Gullinbursti

Little robotic piggu! Frey has affectionately  named him "Gullinbluesti." I've had him since elementary school.

Little robotic piggu! Frey has affectionately named him “Gullinbluesti.” I’ve had him since elementary school.

Mister Pig!  Gullinbursti is a golden-bristled, dwarf-made boar (how anyone can make a boar is beyond me, but hey! I’m not a dwarf) that acts as Frey’s noble steed. Boars are symbols of protection and defense, because gawdamn! Dem tusks! As well as wild abandon. Play, love, run, and dream, and don’t be afraid to get a little dirty in the process, teaches the Boar. No comments from the vanic peanut gallery on that one.


 

Skidbladnir(sp?)

Frey’s amazing, self-driving ship that folds up on itself so that it can be carried around in a satchel. Now, I’m not gonna say it, but…


 

Antlers and Elk

TWO pretty elk!

While Frey isn’t technically a horned god, like Cernunnos or Herne, he is a fertility god, so it makes sense that one of his symbols would be an antler. According to the Voluspa, at Ragnarok, Frey will have a final stand against Beli and Surtr, and slays the former with an antler, before getting killed by Surtr. Now. Even if Ragnarok is actually A Thing — which I have a hard time believing — I have, to this day, never seen Frey carrying an antler around. I have, however, had the blessing of seeing many, many elk on my most recent trip up the mountains, so I still associate them with Him. Also Cernunnos, but there aren’t any rules against sharing sacred animals, right? Loki and Ceridwen share Salmon. Speaking of which…


 

Horses

I used to love horses. I grew up with horses around the block from my house. I still visit them on occasion. Okay, I still love horses. They’re powerful, majestic, and symbols of freedom when taken in their wild context. Breeds with golden color to them in particular seem like more classically beautiful versions of Gullenbursti to me, so of course I associate them with Frey. There’s also the phrase, “hung like a horse,” but… let’s not go there.

 

Anyone have any additions to the list? Leave them in the comments!