Must Construct Additional Pylons

Hello, everyone.

I promise I didn’t get hurt or anything when I went on my adventure, I’ve just been lurking around in the background for a few weeks trying to recharge and get my brain back on correctly. More details eventually, but apparently mountains and I have a massive connection, because as soon as I got within picking-out-trees distance I felt like I was home. Or at least more grounded. Coming back out to the flats has given me a lot to think about and digest, and not all of it is good.

Also, Pup wanted a group get-together the weekend after the massive, anxiety-inducing, emotionally, mentally, and physically draining excursion. I think I’ve about reached my limit for the next year or so when it comes to human interaction and I need time before I have to deal with those two again. I love them to bits but neither of them quite seem to understand the extent to which people – even people that I care about and consider my friends – exhaust me, nor that I don’t come back from it nearly as fast as they all seem to. Digital stuff, I’m fine with. I don’t get sensory overload from talking to people or watching stuff on a screen. Heck, I can play Overwatch for hours (not that I do very often, but sometimes I just need to shoot pixels at other pixels, you know?) and still be alright. Being in person with people, especially in an area that I’m not familiar with, I get twitchy, and that exhausts me. It’s gotten worse after the Mutt incident. Can’t say as I blame myself, there.

Sooo, yah. I’ve been trying to recuperate from some apparently severe emotional and mental exhaustion. The other day I was reminded – forcefully and by my own brain – that I can’t run myself on maximum all the time without suffering consequences. I need to construct additional pylons, as it were. Be more firm in my boundaries, learn to say no, and really listen to myself. All things I thought I’d learned how to do but in the wake of tragedy, I can forgive myself for forgetting.

I’ll be back with a video eventually. Right now I need a nap and bit of tarot, maybe. It tends to get me in more of an objective, relaxed mindset where I can properly process things.

We’ll see.

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