Hello, friends. This is going to be a particularly weird and slightly personal post, so bear with me.
My dear, sweet, voluptuous marmot buns, has it ever been a weird one. I’m not usually in the habit of posting twice a week(as far as I’ve noticed anyway), mostly because not much usually happens within that tiny time frame for me to post about. But the Powers have had me on a wee bit of a wild ride the past few days.
It started at the equinox. I won’t go into that as much; the ritual I did is one I’d rather not talk about because it was rather experimental(and I now have actual ritual garb, albeit unexpectedly so). Then the call to the Hunt, and my subsequent first couple of tasks. Then Val and Frey teamed up and taught me how to seethe properly(and holy BEANS was that a weird night) which actually wasn’t as funky and different as I expected it to be, if only because I’ve learned how to go into the gangr, which is a very similar state but on a physical level. Val said I’m doing things a little bit bass-ackwards that way. It worked, though. Freya tried to teach me once, but she and I don’t mix, for some reason.
The day of the eclipse was extra-weird, though. For the first half of the day I wrote my post about the Disney Ride and then spent it feeling kinda slow. Then I had this stupendous urge to go outside, so I grabbed my shoes and went for a walk up to a pond near my house and in the middle of a park. There was nobody outside. There was no wind, either. It was weird. I’ve never seen the park so deserted, especially in the middle of the afternoon, on a Sunday, with such incredible weather. But, walk I did, and went to stand at the highest point of the path around the pond, which ended me up facing due-West, to where a cloud bank was gathering in the distance. I did a little weather work, which isn’t something unusual for me(I’ve got storms in my blood, I tell you), asking the clouds politely if they’d bow out of the way of the moon when it came up and started eclipsing. They agreed, and ended up giving us a wonderful red sunset before vanishing northward, and then coming back the next day to drizzle all over everything.
However, while walking back home from the working, even though I’d grounded and shielded myself properly(for once), I started feeling more and more… Other, I suppose. At one point I looked down at my hands to see them fairly glowing in the sunlight(yeah, I’m pretty white, but this wasn’t your average sun-reflection glowiness going on) and heard Frey laugh, saying, “Careful, Erik, your Vanic is showing.” I didn’t run into anyone else on the way back, even though there were a couple of people at the park again. Usually, walking does a lot to ground and center me, but for some reason I still had that weird shit going on. So, when I walked back into my room and got my shoes off, I grabbed my staff to see if it would ground me a little better. The staff is made from the root of a fallen ash tree that kept yelling at me some time ago, and it is usually really good at grounding. This time though, I picked it up, but felt even weirder. I sat down, pressed my forehead against the staff, letting it support me a little, and then felt myself grounding into the core of the freaking earth.
Now, this has happened to me before. I used to work with really deep magic that runs slow and steady through the deepest rocks, as a way to actually get things done, but I’ve never felt myself touch the heart of our planet before. I got pulled out of myself a little, and the roots that were glowing in the earth became the roots of Yggdrasil, and then the branches exploded up and out of my back, like wings, to touch the sky and the sun, and everything beyond. And from my heart, I gave a little prayer that the Tree be healed, and saw the trunk start glowing a warm, deep gold, and the glow spread up the trunk and into the branches, and down into the roots, into Helheim, into the core of the earth. And I saw the earth become a ball of softly radiating peace, as it rotated through space, and felt Hope, and gave that to the Tree, too. I watched new sprouts spring from the woody trunk, green and gold, reaching into the darkness, reaching for other worlds. And I watched more roots spiraling outward, pressing deeper into the darkness. I felt the pulse of the Tree, and of the earth, and sat with it for a little while, before my concentration and focus started to wain, and Frey guided me back, holding me, talking to me. I felt Love, and gave that to the Tree as well, as I started feeling myself again.
After what felt like an hour, I finally moved a little, shifting the staff to rest against my shoulder. I still felt the weird tree-wings in my back, but they faded slowly as I sat there with Frey. After a little while, I felt the glow fading too, and felt the heaviness of my body, the realness of it. Frey was smoothing my hair back, but his touch and even presence became distant, like I was feeling through a heavy blanket again. Normalcy happened slowly, but when I finally opened my eyes again, I heard Val laughing, a bit nervously. I asked him what he was laughing at and he just said, “Wow.” Frey let me go, then, and I stood up, feeling surprisingly… normal. Still a little wonky, but it was fading as I reminded myself of my grounding, and the several layers of warding around my room and house. Went to get something to eat, and some coffee, and I was feeling fine within about five minutes.
Yesterday, I was so tired. I spent half the day kinda zoned out in bed, half-sleeping, thinking about what happened. I called Bran, we talked for about an hour before I realized it was about dinner time. I spent the evening watching HGTV with my mom, laughing at one of the cats being absolutely ridiculous, until I heard a little scraping noise on the metal bird feeder outside, and looked over to see my other cat(we have three, actually) staring out the window and making a big-tail. I got up, looked out the window, and a little masked face popped up from behind the feeder like, “OHAI! I wasn’t doing anything!” I started laughing and told my mum it was a raccoon. It ducked back down behind the fence, though, so I went to the kitchen, turned the light on the back porch on, and there, in the yard, playing around merrily, was a family of raccoons. A family. Four or five, including a big fluffy one that was bouncing around like a squirrel, trying to catch a bug. After a moment of freaking out, my mother and I both realized that no, they weren’t rabid, just having fun, and decided they were actually kinda cute, from a distance.
Now, I knew there were raccoons in the neighborhood. I caught a glimpse of one once walking home from work back in July, and I watched one come scooting awkwardly along the fence one morning in August. I’ve never seen one that up close before, and never more than one. So, being the curious sort that I am, I looked up raccoon symbolism and found that they have a connection to, among other things, trees. I was actually kinda stunned. I asked Val about it, and he said, “I dunno, I’m not a raccoon. But maybe they were here to thank you. Or play in the energy. Something like that.” He’s often right(old fart knows much more than he lets on).
So, that was my week. It’s been long, and weird, and full of wyrdshit. This whole week I’ve been reminded of something I read in one of Sebastian’s books, “the more you work with Other, the more it Others you.” I started out being different. Now, I’m not only growing more Other, I’m growing more myself. Which is, I think, a good thing.